he puts the penis in happiness.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
