I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
