I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The air was thick with penises
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
