Dual....:-)
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
