I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
