people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
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I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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