69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
