Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
