Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
