guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
