lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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