I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
