it was like his penis was on wheels.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
