i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
