Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
