there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Michael Bay diarrhea
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
