I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His hands were made for my vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
