I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
