I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
