I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i barfeds in our rink
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
