that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
