I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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