i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And then he peed in my hair
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