i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
