So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
