Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
