well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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