in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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