you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I love having hate sex.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
