Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
we're so committed to being not committed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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