if you like me you must not know who I am
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
