Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
do herpes really smell.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
