I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
