You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
