So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
