She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
