so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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