if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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