Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
