if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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