You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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