Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
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I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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