Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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