I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
