I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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