he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
