We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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