I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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