Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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