omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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