bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
smell my finger.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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