I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
