How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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