check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
