im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
