I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
