I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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