Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
