My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need to calm my uterus...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
