I didn't shave. On purpose
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
