my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
