matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
