At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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