Im at strip club and am horny
nut hugger
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
