Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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