I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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