Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
