Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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