..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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