I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
