his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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