i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
