so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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