shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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