I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
