I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
